Ranked from Least-Favorite (Worst) to Favorite (Best) and Updated Throughout the Season
20. Holiday Date (Aired Saturday, December 14, 2019)
I have no words for how horrifyingly dumb this movie is. I didn't think anything would make me hate the viewing experience more than The Mistletoe Secret, but then Holiday Date sauntered in like a drooling, bumbling idiot. This movie makes, quite literally, no sense. It's over the top and silly and stupid, and that can be fine; I love Jingle All the Way and Home Alone, and both of those fit into these categories. But Holiday Date isn't cute or fun in its stupidity; it's mind-numbing. The entire thing is based on the lie that a Jewish actor will play a gentile architect boyfriend to a woman who doesn't want to tell her family that she broke up with the guy she was going to bring home... WHY NOT JUST SAY YOU'RE DATING SOMEONE NEW AND ABANDON THIS WHOLE IDIOTIC CONCEPT?! Then, instead of being a good actor and doing research and admitting that he's Christmas-illiterate (what dipshit doesn't know "Deck the Halls," Jewish or not?), Joel leans into the lie until it nearly ruins everything.
This was clearly an attempt at absurd comedy and occasional slapstick, but my God... it's just annoying.
19. The Mistletoe Secret (Aired Sunday, November 10, 2019)
This movie is all kinds of bad. Kellie Pickler is the worst actress on Hallmark, which we all knew after last year's Christmas at Graceland, but for some God-forsaken reason, Hallmark got her to come back this year. But guys... she sucks. She can't read a line to save her life, and I don't think she realizes her face is allowed to move when she's speaking. Couple her awful performance with a plot that's full of nonsensical points (especially that Sterling Masters somehow secretly published a book of words he didn't even write without the permission of the person who did write those words and then had copies secretly shipped to Midway for a book signing without anyone knowing). It's stupid. Tyler Hynes is good though.
18. Check Inn to Christmas (Aired Tuesday, November 26, 2019)
I really hate that this movie was so thoroughly boring because I like both Rachel Boston and Wes Brown. But there was nothing interesting happening here. It's a recycled plot about stopping a corporate presence in a small town, plus a Romeo & Juliet-style feuding families romance. Throw in a successful woman pissing on her burgeoning career to move back home and run an inn, and you have Check Inn to Christmas. The only thing I really enjoyed about watching this movie was Christopher Cousins as Daddy Mason, emphasis on the "daddy." You'd be forgiven if you were watching this and didn't know it was a new movie for 2019, because it's just recycled moments from previous movies
17. Christmas Scavenger Hunt (Aired Sunday, November 3, 2019)
The main idea behind this movie is actually fun and could have made for a really cute holiday film: a woman is paired with her ex-boyfriend for a Christmas-themed scavenger hunt, and they reconnect over the course of the game. It's perfect! But the execution of this movie sucked. For starters, they don't actually do a scavenger hunt. They play some weird text message game with unclear, arbitrary rules (and utterly moronic clues) where they go around town building snowmen and buying strangers hot chocolate. Then you get to the end of the movie (or should I say "ends" of the movie, since there are nearly half a dozen endings in the final ten minutes, which feels like it adds another to the run time) only to find out that the whole thing was maybe orchestrated to get the couple back together? Or maybe I just read too much into it? Kim Shaw is quirky as the leading lady, and Tom Arnold chews his scenes like gum, but the movie is weird and poorly written. (And it clearly wasn't well-received, as it's only airing twice this season: once on its premiere date and once at 4:00am on a Monday.)
16. Picture a Perfect Christmas (Aired Saturday, November 9, 2019)
I very much disliked Jon Cor as a leading man, and only partially because he has a literal mullet, and Merritt Patterson is likeable but unmemorable as a leading lady (I had to check her IMDb page to remind myself which movies she'd done before this one). But most egregious is the fact that the entire plot of this movie revolves around a child manipulating a young woman into being his mother. Literally. He schemes with Sophie's grandmother to set her up with his uncle and then does everything in his power to make them his "family" for Christmas, which he confirms at the end when he tells his uncle that's what he asked Santa for and then draws the three of them as a family on the front of a friggin' Christmas card. It's bizarre and creepy.
15. Christmas at Dollywood (Aired Sunday, December 8, 2019)
What a waste of Dolly Parton. The few scenes she's in (in the last 20ish minutes) are fun, and Dolly is a national treasure... but the movie stinks. Danica McKellar is not my favorite Christmas leading lady, and she couldn't elevate a really slow, boring script at all. The first hour absolutely crawls by without, seemingly, any common sense (why are you planning an event at Dollywood for Christmas in six days?) or chemistry between McKellar and Niall Matter. And then we get to the batshit crazy final sequence involving a short-circuiting tree (I think?!) and the inevitable collapse of everything the leads have worked for in the movie, and I just checked out. Also... for a movie in which half the characters are from the same place as Dolly Parton, there's nary an accent in sight.
14. Write Before Christmas (Aired Sunday, November 17, 2019)
Phew! What a mess! This movie tried to be and do so many different things, and it mostly failed at all of them. It tried to tell four (five?) concurrent Christmas love stories, a la Love, Actually, in just 85ish minutes, which resulted in a ridiculously rushed, underdeveloped film in which the two "leads" barely share the screen in the final act, when we should be rooting for them the hardest. There's also a truly bizarre scene suggesting that the cards Jessica sends are somehow magical, and when you think about it too long, you realize this is just a really long commercial for Hallmark's pop-up cards. There are too many characters without enough pay-off to their stories, as well. And Chad Michael Murray, despite his perfect features, looks bored throughout.
13. A Cheerful Christmas (Aired Sunday, December 15, 2019)
Okay, so I watched this one in the background the week after Christmas (and after Hallmark apologized for the fuckery surrounding the Zola commercial) and I literally don't remember anything about it. I just looked up the plot summary, and apparently it's about girls who are "Christmas coaches" who end up with royals for clients? I have no recollection of this film. Nothing about it sounds familiar. But I'm putting it this high up because at least nothing about it was actively bad, nor do I remember hating it...I don't even remember being bored by it. It was just there.
12. Christmas in Evergreen: Tidings of Joy (Aired Friday, November 29, 2019)
I'm not really a fan of the Evergreen movies, and they just keep getting worse. The first was fine, a charming small-town tale with a cast of likable characters. The second got more convoluted with a scavenger hunt storyline. This one is absolutely insane and makes next to no sense. It's nice to check in with the side characters and to see those fan-favorite actors (though Mark Deklin is absent until the final scene, which I'm almost positive was cut in from a different movie because it looks weird as hell and he doesn't even speak), but it's the central couple that just doesn't work. As much as I loved Maggie Lawson on Psych and Paul Greene in his other Christmas movies, they're not great together, and they just serve to make an already busy movie (about a giant Advent calendar that is revealed in the side of a building, wtf) even busier. If there's a fourth, I hope they skip a new couple and just make it about the extensive cast they've already introduced.
11. The Christmas Club (Aired Wednesday, November 27, 2019)
I keep going back and forth on whether I sort-of liked or absolutely hated this one. Elizabeth Mitchell is great in the lead, and she's paired well with Cameron Mathison (and I love seeing couples in these movies that aren't moony thirty year-olds), but the overall plot didn't work for me. I'm fine with a bit of Christmas magic in these movies, but whole-hog magic isn't really my thing unless it's absolutely purposeful (see: Northpole, Help for the Holidays). So when Gertrude creeps around for the entire movie trying to get the couple together and then ends up maybe being Mrs. Claus (?) I was turned off. And the whole idea that it's 2019 and this couple is brought together by a woman's Christmas Club money (and that it's only $80) is strange. There were a couple scenes that really worked for me, like the carriage ride, but the leads and the few strong bits weren't enough to equal an enjoyable experience for me.
10. Christmas in Rome (Aired Friday, November 29, 2019)
I can't believe I put this one in the middle of the pack, because as I was watching it, I was actively hating everything about it, but it's better than many others this year based on sheer watchability. Lacey Chabert's character is insufferable, spending the whole movie explaining every bit of Rome and Italian culture to Sam Page in an often-condescending way (also, fuck off; you're an American living in Italy, not a local) and coming up with the genius idea to do private tours to American tourists. She's annoying. And the Roman setting, while very interesting and different, isn't very Christmas-y. Still, this movie flew by as I was watching it, maybe because it was so unlike all the other movies (for good or bad) that aired this season. I don't know. It's decent Sunday afternoon viewing, even though Lacy plays a twat.
9. Christmas Wishes & Mistletoe Kisses (Aired Saturday, October 26, 2019)
While I enjoy what now seems to be a tradition of Hallmark airing a movie where Christmas vomits all over the scenery and story as the first movie of the year, this one was just so-so. Jill Wagner didn't seem to have many levels aside from "manic" to her character, which was especially awkward in the antique shopping scene when she was trying to excitedly explain to Matt Davis's character how great a crappy table is. It was over-the-top. The decorations were nice, though, and I hope Davis returns for more movies. I want him to be in a movie where he's the best choice for the lead, because in this one, the doctor was the better choice, not Nick. And I hate the title a lot, because as far as I could tell, no one wished for anything, nor did they kiss under the mistletoe.
8 Christmas Under the Stars (Aired Saturday, November 16, 2019)
This year's crop of films is not very good. Exhibit A: this truly mediocre, borderline-offensive movie in the top 10. The leads here have almost no chemistry, to no fault of Autumn Reeser, who is as delightful as ever; rather it's Jesse Metcalfe's disaffected, wooden smile and what I'm sure others would call "charm" but I would call "smarm." There's also a secondary character, Clem, who, though played wonderfully by Clarke Peters, is pretty much a "magical negro" type. In 2019. On a network that has come under fire several times for its lack of diversity and meaningful stories about people of color. Yikes. This was also the movie that made me realize there are a lot of annoying kids this year; the one here has a nice backstory of being adopted by Reeser's character, but sorry... I'm not here for the children.
7. Cherished Memories: A Gift to Remember 2 (Aired Sunday, November 24, 2019)
This was a very charming little movie, but it's not without its issues. Even in a world as weirdly fantastical as the average Hallmark Christmas movie, this one manages to be more cartoon than real-life. That's partially because I know the location so well: what's supposed to be Philadelphia looks like any small town (Philly is not small) full of charming homes, small shops, and clean streets. That is inaccurate. Peter Porte also looks like a Disney prince, so there's that. But even still, the story was very sweet, and this one gets major points for following an established couple and never once threatening to break them up. We need more of that on Hallmark. This also has the best ending of any movie so far this season (although I don't know if the proposal is earned considering how much time the leads spend apart in the movie), which kind of makes up for having one too many plot points.
6. A Christmas Duet (Aired Monday, November 25, 2019)
I really loved the first third of this, liked the last third, and was utterly bored by the middle third. What could have been a nice story of two former friends finding their way back to each other and realizing they never acted on hidden romantic feelings is a tried-but-true story. If this were that, it would have been a perfect Hallmark movie, thanks to how great Chaley Rose is in the lead. But then they had to add in a slew of Christmas-y activities to once again save a festival, and I lost interest. I did really like the original song, though, and the whole atmosphere of the movie. It was really cute, and in a weak crop of movies, that's pretty high praise.
5. Merry & Bright (Aired Saturday, November 2, 2019)
I'm so happy Jodie Sweetin is a regular Hallmark leading lady now, because she really is so earnest and easy to watch in these movies. This one offered nothing a half-dozen or more previous movies haven't already done (businessman saves failing family business), but it is more pleasant than many of them thanks to Sweetin and Andrew Walker's impossibly, obnoxiously attractive face. The idea of creating different flavored candy canes to save the company is kind of stupid considering they're everywhere now, and the whole subplot of Cate's mom hanging out with a rescue puppy served no purpose but to emotionally manipulate viewers in the worst way, but Jodie Sweetin is just so damn genuine that I didn't care. Also, huge props for having the first kiss come with nearly thirty minutes still remaining in the movie. It's ridiculous that that's kind of groundbreaking for a Hallmark movie, but whatever.
4. Christmas at Graceland: Home for the Holidays (Aired Saturday, November 23, 2019)
This is a fairly standard Hallmark movie, much like Merry & Bright, that is elevated by strong performances and good chemistry from its two leads. This was also one of the few films that integrated the children into the plot in a way that didn't feel forced or awkward. Their presence is justified because it's the reason for Harper staying behind to nanny for them. Adrian Grenier is so much better than the material, though. There are certain lines that you can tell just don't make sense to him, and it comes across in his delivery. But his scenes with Kaitlin Doubleday are very sweet, and the storyline of him giving his kids the perfect Christmas in the year following a huge loss is lighter and more hopeful than it often is (see: Two Turtle Doves, which dealt with the grieving process nicely but heavily). There are maybe too many montages of baking, decorating, and general Christmas-ing, but I couldn't help but be mostly charmed by this one. It made me wonder just how much more I would have liked the original Christmas at Graceland without Kellie Pickler's involvement...
3. Double Holiday (Aired Sunday, December 22, 2019)
Kristoffer Polaha is my favorite Hallmark leading man, partially because I've been a fan since he played a philandering professor on Tru Calling way back in 2003 and partially because he's so damn swarthy and smooth. That he was so well-paired with newbie Carly Pope added to my enjoyment of the central couple. The handling of the Jewish faith and the celebration of Hannukkah was also handled so much better than in Holiday Date, to the point that it actually was part of the plot and lead to some effective moments at the film's climax. There is, again, one plot point too many (in this one, a Big Brother type mentorship program), but it's an easygoing, underplayed romance with just the right amount of tension, humor, and charm.
2. A Christmas Love Story (Aired Saturday, December 7, 2019)
Kristin Chenoweth is perfect. She just is. She has the ideal combination of charm, snark, humor, and warmth to really sell both the cheesiness and the comfort of Hallmark Christmas movies. She's well-matched by Scott Wolf, who invokes nostalgia (how were the 90s so long ago?!) and also has some truly sweet, emotional moments. This started off as a nice little vehicle to show off the leads, but nothing special, but the twist that occurs about two-thirds through elevated the material into something a little more than a typical Hallmark Christmas movie and into something a little sappy but also heartwarming. Sure, the original song kinda sucks, and both Chenoweth and Wolf are way better than what they're given, but it was an enjoyable journey (and bonus points for making the couple of a certain age without descending into schlock).
1. Christmas at the Plaza (Aired Thursday, November 28, 2019)
Last year, my favorite Countdown movie was It's Christmas, Eve because it felt like a real movie. Christmas at the Plaza will undoubtedly hold this top position the rest of the season because it, too, feels like a real movie. From the sweeping shots of the Plaza Hotel to what director Ron Oliver called the "Christmas color" the movie is shot in, to the realistic portrayal of a failing relationship and budding friendship-turned-romance, this one is an honest-to-goodness, genuinely well-made movie. The script is fresh, the cast is strong (welcome to Hallmark, Elizabeth Henstridge, please come back soon), and the film-making is great.
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