Gallery Girls (Mondays at 10:00 on Bravo; Premieres August 13)
Ugh. Every time I think Bravo can't possibly go any lower (I mean, seriously, did you watch Love Broker? Or Miss Advised? Good for you, they were horrible.), they somehow manage to dig up a whole new bunch of crazies with some weird thematic commonality: dating advisers, matchmakers, singles in the South, wives of rich men, etc. This time around in Gallery Girls, we get a group of insufferable females (I'd call them women, but they're too immature to deserve such treatment) who all work in, or aspire to work in, the art world. Sounds thrilling, right?
Well, at least we know why the cast members are so annoying and overly dramatic: the art world is BORING. Everyone has an opinion, founded on absolutely nothing, and brings that subjective view to crappy, confusing and overpriced works in stuffy, pretentious galleries while drinking cheap wine and eating hummus, distracting themselves with idle conversation about world travel, graduate education in useless fields like art history and composition, or how much money they have. We all know how that goes. So clearly Bravo had to inject some life into the art gallery scene by casting girls who act like complete tools.
There are seven (!!) castmembers in total, not one of whom has any redeeming moments. They're divided into two classes: the Uptowners and the Downtowners. The Uptowners are Liz, Maggie, Amy and Kerri; the Downtowners are Angela, Claudia and Chantal. How can you tell them apart? The Uptowners are all rich blondes or snobs, and the Downtowners are all brunette hippies. Both groups of girls are highly obnoxious and pretentious in their own way: the Uptowners because they think they're better than everyone else, and the Downtowners because they think they're too cool for the Uptown scene. Amy is, by far, the most obnoxious castmember: she lives in an Upper East Side apartment by herself, which her father pays for entirely, and works as an intern for an art adviser. This is actually a running theme here: all the girls have internships and tons of money. How does that work? Does daddy support all of them?! Damn my parents for not having money! Anyway, Amy is the type to kiss ass like there's no tomorrow; upon seeing Liz at an opening, she goes on and on about how beautiful she is, despite the fact that they've been friends for over twenty years. Then she gets drunk at the afterparty, talking nonstop about just how drunk she is. Someone put a muzzle on her, stat.
The Downtowners aren't any better. Chantal and Claudia, along with another friend who wisely does not participate in the show, are opening a brand new gallery called End of Century, which will also sell merchandise in the front by undiscovered designers. So, a boutique. A dress shop that sells poorly framed, mediocre photographs and drawings. But the way they go on about the budget and how impressive the store needs to be, you'd think they were housing newly discovered Van Goghs or something. You're selling pictures of boobs and black dresses with awkward transparent panels in the back, get over yourselves. Their attitudes toward the art world are exactly what you'd expect from 20-year old art history undergrads who think that by interpreting photos and watercolors they're somehow changing the world; they are therefore better than you, and more stylish because they only wear ponchos and berets... in black and black ONLY (I speak from experience, I took art history classes as an undergrad, and so my judgment is justified). Add onto this the fact that Chantal talks to the camera like a sex kitten who just got roofied, as if we should be honored she's taking the time out of her busy day of buying wine and crackers for her "gallery" opening to speak to us about how great her shop and her life is... Gallery Girls makes me want to spontaneously combust.
Now, I'm not saying don't watch this show. Yes, it truly sucks and will probably make your blood boil just watching how amazingly stupid these girls can be... but isn't that the fun of it sometimes? I'm not going to lie, I'll probably continue to watch this show. It's a trainwreck, for sure, but it's also the kind of show I love to bitch about at work the next day or over coffee with friends. Sometimes I like to watch a show just so I can say, "Can you believe Maggie? She spends three years doing an internship that's supposed to last thirty days, and then once she finally puts her foot down and leaves... she's begging for her non-paying job back with two weeks. What an asshole! I mean, get a clue, girl! Or better yet, get a real job!"